I am ringing you from microsoft customer support...

[Mirez]

I do love these calls from dodgy Indian blokes supposedly from "Microsoft", that's the third I've had this week and I managed to set a new record of 21 minutes before they hung up.

By pure luck this time they rang me just after I'd finished a conference call so the audio was still routed through the PC being transcribed - sadly it struggles a little with the accent but I still thought it was funny

Code Select Expand


Inbound Call "+00 0000000000" - "Unknown" - "Out of Area" - "User Not Defined" 16-04-2015 18:52:11
Inbound Via SIP2 on remote.castleview-dc.com
Participants: "Mark", "Unknown1", "V2T"

-Connected-
[Mark] Hello
[Unknown1] Hi umm yes this is Microsoft customer support service calling you
[Mark] Hello
[Unknown1] I am ringing you today to tell you that you have many many problems with your computer and we ??? like to help you to fix them there is nothing to pay and it is ??? completely free service that we must provide our much loyal customers who are experiencing the issues before it is two late
[Mark] Ohh sounds nasty okay
[Unknown1] So tell me ??? you are in front of your computer now
[Mark] Not at the moment do I need to be
[Unknown1] Yes sir you must be in front of the computer now
[Mark] Okay can you hang on
[Unknown1] Yes I will wait ???.. ???
[Mark] I just need to get to the computer
[Unknown1] ??? are you at the computer now
[Mark] Hang on two seconds
[Unknown1] So sir you are at the computer now
[Mark] Yes
[Unknown1] So tell me what do you see
[Mark] Umm the computer
[Unknown1] So is it on the windows screen
[Mark] No its turned off
[Unknown1] Okay so sir you.. have to turn in on you need to ??? the
[Mark] Okay so it's on
[Unknown1] So what do you see
[Mark] It says dell
[Unknown1] Dell.. do you see the windows screen yet
[Mark] No just dell
[Unknown1] So anything else
[Mark] Yes it says enter password
[Unknown1] Ok so you enter your password
[Mark] [SIP DTMF:] 892884882881
[Unknown1] What is this
[Unknown1] What did you do
[Mark] I entered my password
[Unknown1] On the computer
[Mark] No on the phone
[Unknown1] So you have to enter it on the computer now
[Mark] Okay I didn't realize
[Unknown1] ??? what does it say now
[Mark] There is a picture of the windows logo
[Unknown1] ???
[Unknown1] So what do you see now
[Mark] A picture of the windows logo.. I think it may still be starting
[Unknown1] So we wait.. do you see the ??? yet
[Mark] No it still shows the windows logo
[Unknown1] It still shows the windows
[Mark] Yes
[Unknown1] It is slow
[Mark] Very
[Unknown1] And now
[Mark] The screen is blank
[Unknown1] Blank
[Mark] Okay so now I have my screen up what should I do
[Unknown1] Okay so tell me on your keyboard do you have a windows key
[Mark] I will look hang on
[Unknown1] ??? the ??? left side of the keyboard
[Mark] I have a control button
[Unknown1] And next to that
[Mark] I have a volume button
[Unknown1] A volume button.. let me see ??? [Unable to transcribe]
[Unknown1] Do you see the windows key
[Mark] No only the control key and the little flag one
[Mark] That might be it
[Mark] Hello
[Unknown1] So you have the windows key
[Mark] Maybe
[Unknown1] So you have to hold this down and press the ??? key
[Mark] The what key
[Unknown1] Have you done that
[Mark] I didn't hear what you said.. the flag key and what
[Unknown1] The ??? key
[Mark] The eye key
[Unknown1] No the ??? key Romeo
[Mark] Ohh the Ahh key
[Unknown1] So what is it doing now
[Mark] It says Run
[Unknown1] Okay so you must type in the box.. event viewer
[Mark] Can you spell that
[Unknown1] Elephant
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] No ??? for Elephant
[Mark] Got it
[Unknown1] So now you have ???
[Mark] Yes ??? for Elephant
[Unknown1] Now Variety
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] And ??? for Elephant again
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] And ??? for Noel
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] And ??? for Telephone
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] And ??? for ???
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] And ??? for Igloo
[Mark] ???
[V2T] Sorry, Transcribe is having difficulty understanding
[Unknown1] What
[Mark] Nothing Igloo
[Mark] What comes after Igloo
[Mark] Are you there
[Unknown1] After Igloo is Elephant
[Mark] Elephant and then
[Unknown1] ??? for water
[Mark] is says event viewer
[Unknown1] Yes so press on run now
[Unknown1] Tell me what do you see
[Mark] I think its still loading
[Unknown1] Okay we can wait
[Unknown1] Do you see now
[Mark] Event Viewer
[Unknown1] Yes okay so on the left side you see local
[Mark] No
[Mark] Ohh yes
[Unknown1] And custom
[Unknown1] So you see customer views
[Mark] No custom views
[Unknown1] Click that
[Unknown1] What does it say please
[Mark] Cisco
[Unknown1] Cisco
[Mark] Cisco
[[Unknown1] Cisco what
[Mark] Cisco
[Unknown1] Cisco.. you see you have ???
[Unknown1] Do you see administrator events
[Mark] Yes
[Unknown1] Click that please
[Mark] Okay
[Unknown1] Tell me what you see
[Mark] Nothing it may be loading
[Unknown1] Your computer is very slow
[Mark] I know it is good you are calling
[Unknown1] So we can fix this slow computer
[Mark] It says error and warning
[Unknown1] Okay so this is really very bad you see it is telling us that your computer is almost unrecoverable and we will need to fix this problem immediately
[Mark] Wow okay so what do we do
[Unknown1] So can you open your internet
[Mark] Pardon me
[Unknown1] Yes so you your internet
[Mark] I didn't understand you
[Unknown1] So your internet is open
[Mark] Open the internet
[Unknown1] Is it open
[Mark] Is what open
[Unknown1] The internet.. you have opened the internet right
[Mark] No shall I open chrome
[Unknown1] Okay that will do.. so you have opened the internet
[Mark] Yes
[Unknown1] So you need to type in the big long box
[Mark] Yes
[Mark] Hello
[Unknown1] So we type tea for telephone
[Mark] Tea
[Unknown1] ??? for Elephant
[Mark] ???
[Unknown1] And ??? for..
[Unknown1] Apple
[Mark] Apple
[Unknown1] Mister
[Mark] Mist Ear
[Unknown1] ??? for Victor
[Mark] Victor
[Unknown1] Eye for Igloo
[Mark] Eye
[Unknown1] Double ewe for Water
[Mark] Water
[Mark] Team Viewer
[Unknown1] Yes that is it
[Unknown1] So tell me what you see
[Mark] It says web page not available
[Unknown1] So you see the pretty lady
[Mark] No it says web page not available
[Unknown1] So you click on the download now
[Mark] I don't see that.. it says web page not available
[Unknown1] Not available
[Mark] Ohh
[Unknown1] ???
[Mark] So I see the lady
[Unknown1] So you click on the download
[Mark] It says enter administrator password
[Unknown1] So you enter your password now
[Mark] I don't have the administrator password
[Unknown1] Your password
[Mark] Can you wait
[Unknown1] I wait
[Mark] it says invalid password
[Unknown1] ??? have shit password
[Mark] Pardon me
[Unknown1] Enter your password please
[Mark] I don't have the administrator password
[Unknown1] You are the main user
[Mark] No
[Unknown1] No
[Mark] No
[Unknown1] Can you get them
[Mark] Ok hang on
[Unknown1] ???
[Unknown1] Hello
[Unknown1] ???
[Unknown1] I think he is stupid can you get ???
[Unknown1] Hello
[Mark] Sorry they are coming now
[Unknown1] So they have to put in the password
[Mark] They don't know it
[Unknown1] You don't know it
[Mark] Its not my computer
[Unknown1] You are the main user
[Mark] No its a company computer
[Mark] You there
[Unknown1] So will they pay
[Mark] Pay.. I thought it would be free
[Unknown1] Sometimes the company will want to fix it themselves
[Mark] I can ask them.. can you wait
[Unknown1] ???
[Unknown1] - Disconnect 16-04-2015 19:13:51
Participants: "Mark", "V2T"
[V2T] - Disconnect 16-04-2015 19:13:51

-Session End -

[bigdave982]

Top work

[gregers]

so is your elephant still slow then?

[timhowarduk]

Thank you for posting this. I work in IT, and that has entertained not only me by my entire office.